Non-violent communication
A framework to understand and be understood
Author:
Guilherme Forton Viotti
Created: March 4, 2024 | Edited: Sept. 18, 2024
In today’s fast-paced world, conversations can quickly turn into confrontations, misunderstandings, or emotional shutdowns. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and building meaningful connections. This is where Non-Violent Communication (NVC) comes in—a method that emphasizes empathy, clarity, and compassion in our interactions.
Developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s, NVC offers a powerful framework for communicating without hostility or defensiveness. Instead of reacting with judgment, blame, or aggression, it encourages us to approach conversations by acknowledging emotions, expressing needs clearly, and listening with empathy. At its core, NVC is about transforming how we interact with others to foster more cooperative, harmonious relationships.
This approach is not just about avoiding conflict but rather understanding the feelings and needs behind both our own and others' words. By mastering NVC, we can engage in deeper, more authentic conversations that lead to mutual understanding and positive change.
These are a more practical introduction to the subject (5 min. each):
This is a good example of what you might experience when using NVC:
And this is a snippet around conflicts:
If you got really curious and want a more in-depth view, check the video below (3 hours long)
NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION CHEATSHEET
Construct your argument with the following 4 components:
Observation (without judgment) -> Real feeling(s) (not projections) -> Need(s) (what I need from the situation) -> Request(s) (what I need from you)
EXAMPLE:
"I see you done/is doing…" (remember not to judge) -> "Whenever that happens I feel like…" -> "I would love that/for/to…" -> "Would it be ok if …"
REAL FEELINGS (only references yourself) "I feel… sad discouraged anxious bored fearful happy frustrated | NOT REAL FEELINGS (projections and concealed judgments) "I feel… abandoned attacked betrayed intimidated manipulated held down used |